This Bow Necklace Is NOT Subtle

The bow necklace trend is cute and innocuous enough. But as in life, drinking, and accessorizing, one needs limits.

($28, Claire Fong, Lulus.com)

This just looks like you killed Minnie Mouse and mounted your prey.

Studded, Structured, Sequined Shoes For Fall!

It's time for a... Fall shoe binge! Check these selects -- studded, structured heels and booties I'd buy if you were footing the bill.

($129, Steven By Steve Madden, Piperlime)

I know. I need more studded stuff like Kanye needs more exposure. But I can't resist these fun "Stardom" flats.

($24, Pink Footwear, Lulus)

Black oxfords = So simple, so cheap, so... something I will inevitably go back and buy in a week after much pointless deliberation, so I may as well just buy them now, right?

($585, Giuseppe Zanotti, Piperlime)

I need more '80s throwback heels like Fergie needs more bronzer, but I can't resist these black suede eyelet-covered Giuseppe Zanottis.

($110, BCBG Girls, Dillards)

Uh, blue suede, cone heel, fun '80s grommets? BCBGirls "Border" heels = YES.

($49.99, alice + olivia for Payless)

Don't you love how Payless can get low, like Flo Rida style? These alice + olivia "Robertson" peep-toe jeweled boots are sluttastic in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY. Next stop? Bootswitdafur!

($26.99, Payless)

Black lacquer heels at PAYLESS? Girl, you is NASTY!

($26.99, Payless)

Payless, girl, you are BAAAAAAAAD! And it feels GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Big, Chunky Necklaces, Big Bills

Yeah, that header was a stretch. Whatevz. Love these big-ass chunky necklaces. And by the way, I'm STILL on a quest to find that elusive, indescribable neon necklace! HALP PLEEZ!!1

($318, Issy Salomon, Charmandchain.com)

I love the hi/low combo here -- hot pink punked-out Lucite mixed with more upscale-y glass beads and rhinestones. By the way, I have an awesome Issy Salomon necklace that I bought at Edge NY in Soho (go check it out -- it's like the Young Designer's Market) from Issy himself, who's extremely nice. I'm such a Lucite whore.

($200, Nicole Romano, Vivre.com)

This one's got a sweet, sorta post-apocalyptic vibe to it.

($350, Givenchy, Macy's)

Stand-out piece frm Givenchy's Neon Collection, available at select Macy's. A total Deco dream
in crystal and hematite.

Okay, so WHAT would you wear with these statement necklaces? NOTHING! JK, whores. How about either a really simple black dress, OR a grey dress, since it's ALWAYS the new-new black. Like so?

($35, Lulu's)


($158, Karoo, Bluefly)

Sweet color-blocked cashmere!

... And, as promised, "Big Bills." See? Full circle, people. Full circle.

Flosstradamus - New Music - More Music Videos

10 Jumpers Under $100!

Hey guess what. I FREAKING HATE hot weather.

What I'm trying to say is, check out 10 really cute jumpers that flatter lots of body types (also, can I just say, I HATE the term "bodycon." It's dumb. Please stop saying it) AND cost less than $100! Also, why do they call them jumpers? Playsuits? Whatever. I just wanna spend all of the days between now and October laying around in airconditioning and wishing I lived in John Ritter's apartment in Three's Company.

($93.78, Totem, Asos.com)

L-L-L-Love the lips!

($31.26, Asos.com)

HORSES? On a JUMPER? Could America GET any better?

($44.99, Modcloth.com)

I am thisclose to buying this.

($69.99, Modcloth.com)

One of my favey things about jumpers: they're thisclose to being pajamas.

($97, Fluxus, Pinkmascara.com)

This one would be so cute with a tiny tank underneath. A tank of YOUR CHOOSING! You can just DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!

($98, Gestuz, Asos.com)

Your garden variety harem-style jumper. No big whoop.

($20, Postlapsaria.com)

So it's technically a dress, but whatevs. It's late.

($39, Lulus)

Fun! Picnicky!

($69, Sass & Bide, Shopbop.com)

Mmmm. Love me some elastic waistband!

($88, Lark & Wolff by Steven Alan, Urban Outfitters)

The sorta-fancy, dress-up-for-work yachting jumper. For your business meetings. On a boat.

Night night!

Perfect Slouchy Jeans?

I love me some skinny jeans, but sometimes you just need some extra room, nomesayin'? Check out two pairs of jeans with a little more room for whatevzskies. Certainly no judgments here.

($66, Element, Lulus.com)

I've found that even with higher-wasted side-button jeans, you can go a size up and they're still flattering. Plus, no nipsy-wispy where wipsy should not be nipped.

($125, Black Orchid, ShopRumor.com)

Black Orchid's boyfriend jeans are supposed to be the shiz dot biz. Try getting them for 25% off at ShopRumor.com with promo code "CAL25," (not positive that code's still working though). And while I normally don't condone ANYTHING on, near, or in Tara Reid's body, I do condone a discount. So if that promo code doesn't work, try getting 20% off at Black Orchid jeans at Blondette with promo code "save20more."

Quickie Coin Purses & Wallets + I'm Mad At Ya, Marc Jacobs!

Um, Marc Jacobs wants you to pay $39 of your hard-earned American dollars for this beaded coin purse. Um, does it have money tree seeds inside? Maybe it will hold the 39 cents that 39 American dollars are currently worth in foreign currency. I know it's leather and handmade, but it's also derivative of those shoddy (yet fun!), kitschy little favors I used to get at like birthday parties and Purim carnivals that are worth probably a whopping 4 pennies.

($39, Marc By Marc Jacobs)

Ridiculous.

You could also save yourself $32.50 and get a DOZEN widdle coin purses:

($6.50, ToyDepot.com)

... Or... just go to the toy section of your local supermarket/ drugstore/ 99-cent store, MARC!

($34, Billabong, Lulus.com)

Super sweet birdy print wallet! I LOVE me a nice flat billfoldy wallet with a classic kiss lock.


ALSO, please check out these adorable and for-a-good-cause wallets created in tandem by Poketo artists and lil writers, who lent the words. Proceeds go to the 826LA Writing Center. They're only $20, made of vinyl, and (hi)LOLarious!

($20, Chris Bettig and 10-year-old writer Sophie, Poketo.com)

Click to enlarge, obvz.

($20, Mark Todd and 9-year-old Roberto, Poketo.com)

Roberto wrote himself into the story. Stick to what you know, kid! That's what I always say!

($20, Christine Castro and 9-year-old Brian, Poketo.com)

My favorite. It's about well-dressed spy animals! Brian, you're a genius. Call me, mean it!

Harajuku Lovers Techno Pins Bag!

If loving Harajuku Lovers handbags is wrong, I don't even wanna be right, y'all. No they're not subtle. Yes yes, they're geared toward young folks, but HL bags are light, durable and hold EVERYTHING, and sometimes you can find them for less than LeSportsac. I shoved half the contents of my life into mine tonight, and I actually didn't feel like I was going to crack my poor achy little shoulder off. No, they're not job-interview material, but for everyday use, they get high marks, especially for cuteness...

Anyway, check out their fun new Techno Pins print in the "Uh-Oh" tote style -- my favorite -- because it's got lots of PERFECTO pockets AND a zip top:

($98, Harajuku Lovers)


($29, Harajuku Lovers, TheGiantPeach.com)

Super cute in its cosmetic bag vershe. Looky that whistle charm zipper pull! Hee! AND you could put BOBBY PINS in it, YOU KNOW?

($41, Harajuku Lovers, 6pm.com)

The "Uh-Oh" bag in Peacock (hee!), if you need something a LITTLE less Technocolored.

($30, Lulu's)

Not a Harajuku Lovers bag, but similar cute Pop style at a bear market price!

Warm Up! Grey-Day Accessories! Plus: Fred Flare's New Store!

The weather went from pleasant to fucking February in like a week. Here are some warmy woolies and stuff in lovely neutral greys to stay warm in, kay?

($14, Lulu's)

Berets aren't usually my thing, but this one does a nice job of straddling that dangerous line between "oui oui hee hee!" and hackeysacking.

($20, Fred Flare)

The sweet pom pom makes me wanna do snow angels, and the wooden button keeps this grey-day hat from a.) flying off yo damn head and b.) being too cutesy-cute. ALSO, you can save save save on shipping with promo code "STORE CUTE." Why? Because FRED FLARE is opening their first-ever brick-and-mortar! FINALLY! Also, I wrote a lil story about it for Metromix New York! Read, believe, ACHIEVE! It's an interview with Chris and Keith (the brains behind Fred Flare), and two sweeter souls don't exist in this world, with the exception of my boyfriend and my cat. Wait... not my cat. He's a total jerkface. Anyway, you MUST go check out the store in Greenpoint and go spend your bucks on Jonas Brothers wayfarers and bags like this... oooh or this We Are the Superlative Conspiracy bag... or this bustier dress in black or red...

($22.50, Alloy)

Yeah, so I really love this grey scarf too.

($21.50, Victorianbird, Etsy)

Stripy fleecy sweatshirty scarf! Sing huzzah!

($9.99, Target)

I like how these heart gloves are like stop-light inspired. JUST THINK of how much funner driving would be if the lights were HEARTS instead of just circular-lights. Of course, then we'd probably just get sick of them and never notice. Ahhhh ennui.

($12, Lulu's)

Perfect winter socks for boots or bummin' around the house. I like to put on some super warmo socks WITH my slippers, for extra-warm crumb bum effect!

OH YEAH: coming soon -- a big-ass scarf post by a special guest poster!! Until then, control your parameters. 'Kay nighty nite!

Laboring To Find You Cheap Shoes Today!

I've been cooped up in the house for much of this weekend, working and watching Mad Men. And when I haven't been engaging in the latter, I've been scoping out the shittons of sale emails I've been receiving. Lots of cute fall shoes on sale this Labor Day, or so my inbox thinks. Observe:

($15.50, Miss Me, Lulus)

Promo code "LABOR DAY" gets you 15% off the already ridiculously low price.

($19.99, Payless)

These aren't really me, but I love the heels and stitching.

($19, Delicious, Cutesygirl.com)

15% off with promo code "FRESH15."

($9.99, Cutesygirl.com)

Also 15% off with promo code "FRESH15." I'd totes wear these fall Oxfords, but they don't gots my size. Boo.

($34, Newportnews.com)

20% off these really cute holiday shoes with promo code "514." I bought 'em. Tee!

($29, Newportnews.com)

... And/or these!

($24.99, Modcloth.com)

Also bought these. Whoopsers! Check out promo codes here.

(Apprx $162 USD, Poste Mistress, Office.co.uk)

If you need something a little more high-end.

Happy Labor Day, y'all.