Nobody Does A Bikini Better Than Mara Hoffman

($170, Mara Hoffman, Shopbop.com)

I need a bikini like I need... I don't know. A pair of pink Uggs or something. I will probably never see the water this summer, which I'll be spending under the fluorescent lights of my office. Just like I spent the past 10 summers! But if I were in the market for a bikini, nobody does it better than Mara Hoffman. Right, Carly Simon? Baby you're the best.

What I Want Now: Neon Fashion

Now that the sun is blazing and the days are hot, I want to wear bright colors and pretend I am headed to the boardwalk – instead of to work. These retro neon colors remind me of middle school (in a good way). All I need to do now is tease my hair and get a skateboard.

Shown: Matthew Williamson Dress $1,105, Converse Sneakers Neon $78 jades24.com, Travel wallet and passport holder $340 net-a-porter.com, Adidas Peachtree Neon Watch $73 asos.com, Bracelets $1.46 bluebanana.com, Retro Wayfarer Style Iridescent Neon Sunglasses $9.99 girlprops.com, Essie ‘Neons’ Mini Nail Polish

Oh No They Didn't!

Oh yes, they did. Toms had a perfectly good, supercute in fact, basic canvas shoe. It's perfect for summer, easy to slip on with dresses or shorts or pretty much any weekend wear. And yet they HAD to go and mess with it!


Tom's Yello Calypso canvas wedge, $69. This is basically a new version of the sneaker pump: Never a good idea! Not to mention the average Toms fan is just not going to be down with this. Comfort is key. And does this mean poor children get a free pair of wedges for every one you buy? I sure hope not.

Even though I only own the silver glitter version, my pick is still the classic, preferably in a dark color.


Tom's Ash Canvas Classic, $44.

This Bow Necklace Is NOT Subtle

The bow necklace trend is cute and innocuous enough. But as in life, drinking, and accessorizing, one needs limits.

($28, Claire Fong, Lulus.com)

This just looks like you killed Minnie Mouse and mounted your prey.

Payless Is Just Kidding About These, Right?

I have nothing at all against Payless. Not one thing. They do some great stuff at obviously affordable prices. And I loved their Christian Siriano line as well as Abaete. You need that ONE pair of shoes to match that ONE dress you'll wear to someone's rehearsal dinner and then never wear again? BOOM. Payless. But everyone slips up and makes a mistake once in a while, right? Like, surely these hein-dog silver "hooded" wedges are just a mean joke. A prank, right?

($24.99, Fioni, Payless.com)

Remember, kids. Everyone makes mistakes!

Westward Ho!

In preparation (for the preparation for) a hiking trip to Yosemite this August (so excited!), today I went to EMS and enlisted the services of a soft-spoken, rugged-looking man in the style of Mark Ruffalo wearing a large straw hat. This is the least glamorous outfit I've ever purchased:


EMS cargo zip-off pants, $49. They sit at the WAIST: the horror!


Smartwool socks, $19.95.



Keen Targhee II Mid hiking boots, $124.95 at EMS. Of course, then I came home and bought 'em online for $88.99, for a savings of, oh, about two and a half more pairs of socks.

Now, anyone got any tips on hikes within an hour or two of NYC so I can try these babies out?

Lace Tees and Other Pretty Little Things

Why do I suddenly want a black lace T-shirt? Seriously, why? I have no clue what I'd wear it with. I'm not the Material Girl. Or even Rihanna. So why do I have this bizarre urge? I actually almost bought this today, and then came to my senses.*


Victoria's Secret scoop-neck lace tee, $19.99. I mean, what am I gonna wear that with? I have no idea. I think I got this bee in my bonnet after days of walking by my local American Apparel store, which I have privately (and now publicly!) vowed to boycott after years of being thoroughly disgusted with their ads. It hasn't really been tough to avoid stepping in there until recently...



...when I spied this cute lace top paired with a circle chambray skirt. American Apparel leaf flower lace tee, $38.

But: boycott. Instead: vintage!


Lace fringe scrimmage top, $28, from a cute new San Francisco–based vintage shop run by a couple of stylist/bloggers called American Apocalypse. I bought it: sorry kids!


Someone should definitely buy this Polka-dot two-piece, $100, though. It's not lace but it is RAD. Even radder if you chopped off the skirt.

*I did buy the following:


Square-neck top, $19.99.


Racerback snakeprint tank, $14.99.

Must. Stop. Shopping. And yet, on this fine summer Friday, I have set for myself a mission: hiking boots! Oh yes! We're going to Yosemite in August, and I need some appropriate footwear. Here's hoping I find something even mildly cute.