Already, I Am Sick of Gladiator Sandals...

And it's barely even Spring!!! Seriously, unless you're actively involved in battling bears or guys who look like Russell Crowe, you do NOT need to encase you foot in a leather cage. Please. DON'T!

Some particularly egregious offenders:

($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Urban Outfitters)

If you're concerned that your cankle areas (for lack of a better term) are going to be chilly, MAYBE IT'S TOO COLD OUT FOR SANDALS! But you really truly do not get to do both.

($28, Urban Outfitters)

Dudes, fringe is not for shoes. Fringe is for jackets... no wait a second. Fringe is NOT FOR ANYONE outside of Branson (and I'm sure several of Branson's fine citizens don't even wear it). Don't ever wear fringe EVER. (One exception: you are Dolly Parton and/or 1967 Dennis Hopper.)

($57, Naughty Monkey, Karmaloop.com)
Seriously? What the shit??

($79, Nine West)

We get it. The American economy is in the shitter, so we're supposed to buy bright things to make us forget. I love bright things, but that's no reason to let the sandal equivalent of Bill Cosby's Coogi sweater creep up your foot.

($125, Urban Outfitters)

As if someone sent a perfectly okay jazz shoe through a paper shredder.

You get the point. So now, some lovely warm-weather footwear alternatives to the scourge of gladiators:

($48, Urban Oufitters)

Not my all-time favorites, but definitely not bad at all. At least there's no covered heel or ankle nonsense.

($105, Dolce Vita, Piperlime.com)

Perfectly reasonable, sweetly (note: not barfily) trendy metallic peep-toe that says "I'm a grown-up, and I'm perfectly mature about keeping MOST of my foot consistently -- not schizophrenically covered."

($105, Sam Edelman, Bloomingdale's)

Love both of these. (Very similar, cheaper ones here, BTW.) Wedge-y but not towering, which is more than I can say for these:

($29.50, Alloy.com)

Holy hell. Anyway, back to better spring shoes:

($175, Cole Haan, Bloomingdale's)

Rarely do I see white shoes I'd actually wear, but these are great (both versions!) all-purpose sping/ summer heeled sandals that completely do not suck or offend.

($365, Chie Mahara, Sodafine.com)

Sweet, sweet design. Sweet, sweet desire. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge found a happy home on your foot (minus the congestion and the jumpers.)

($375, Ralph Lauren, Bloomingdale's)

The price is a bit ridick for a bit of rope, and sure, they're a bit campy, but they're still fun in a WASPy sort of way. (And Ha'shem KNOWS I'm WASPY!) Though I'm not sure why you wouldn't just opt for Kinos -- Key West classics -- instead:

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)


($41, Steve Madden)

It's not much, but it's right to the point and WORLDS better than the much-aligned flip-flop. HELP US HELP YOU!

Also, Steve Madden promo code:
$10 off: SML963BF1E (Not sure if this is a one-hitter or what.)

Finally, if sandals aren't your thing (and I get that), I like these ridiculous (and ridiculously priced!) Nikes:

($79, Nike, Alloy)

Do I offend???

Spring Shoes: Trend Mash-Up

In which I've taken a few of my favorite Spring 2008 shoes that combine one or more of the upcoming trends and details and consolidated them into one one hearty post, with more to come. Stilettos in heights that defy good sense, textured metallic accents, peep toes and lush patents. Wee!

($411, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Mmm. Creamy grey patents! With a wider heel! The mirrored heels and unusal batwing peaks make these even more murder-inspiring.

($730, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

I'm not sure what is "mini" about the Christian Louboutin Mini Bout Zeppa pumps, but they're perfectly, well, perfect.

($670, Versace, eLuxury.com)

Bold and razor-sharp in silvery gunmetal, more refined in bronze.

($449, Petra Rubino, Forzieri.com)

I'm personally not the ankle-tie type, but I applaud the woman who can pull off these interesting Oxfords. The color combo here rules.

(Apprx $530 USD, Gwendolyn Carrie)

Black + gold = chocolate and peanut butter.

($130, Vince Camuto, Piperlime.com)

It is time for me to officially declare: I think I love everything Vince Camuto does.

($330, Chie Mahara, Saks)

Total granny chic, updated in blood red = loves.

(Apprx $58 USD, Topshop.com)

Allllllegedly we're gonna be seeing a lot of ikat patterns now-ish. And I welcome these red ikat pumps by Topshop with open arms and an open wallet. Now HURRY UP AND OPEN IN NEW YORK!

What Would You Do... For These Chie Mahara Heels?

($350, Chie Mahara, ShoeMine.com)

Dudes, remember those insipid "What would you do for a Klondike bar" commercials, where some cheesy ad execs thought everyday people would be so desperate for a poorly designed wedge (how do you eat a SQUARE of ice cream with NO spoon, no stick, no handle, nothing!) of tasteless vanilla ice cream covered in barely edible cheap chocolate that they'd bark like a dog (a big dog!), hop up and down on one foot, or do something REALLY crazy like put the dirty dishes in the sink!

Well, I wouldn't do any of that bullshit for a crappy, inexplicably Inuit-inspired cheap-ass bodega frozen dessert, but for these Chie Mahara "Ox" heels (they're cheaper on the Chie Mahara site, but some of the sizes are sold out), I'd... punch an old lady, smack a baby (but only if it was crying), leave a banana peel in someone's path, not warn someone that they were about to sit on a bench full of wet paint, rob a T-Mobile, or possibly even kill a grifter.

What would YOU do for Chie Mahara?

Electric Blues

I'm seeing so many pretty pretty princess blues in electric, royal, cobalt and other shades. Here's a round-up of blue beauties.

JUMPERS
($175, Doucette Duvall, Ylli)
The first is by my beloved Doucette Duvall. So beautiful. Sigh.


($229, Rachel Pally, Amazon)
So comfy looking.


($89, Sarah Luna, Ylli)
Usually I'm pretty anti denim, and I'm generally against denim anywhere above the waist, but this is really lovely and would look so nice with a wee black cropped jacket, black tights and black boots in the coming cooler months.


($34, Bloomingdales.com)
Cutes!


($65, Splendid, Amazon)
Comfort City!


($407, Cindy Lee, Revolveclothing.com)
I absolutely love this shade of blue. Reminds me of that Lipsy dress Lily Allen wore to the Concert for Diana. The dress, by the way, is sold out at Lipsy but available at Asos.com.



TOPS
($173, Geren Ford, Bergdorf Goodman)
Just another reason why Geren Ford is quickly becoming one of my favorite indie designers.


($225, Nanette Lepore, Shoptwigs.com)
This would probably look terrible on me, but the color is gorgeous.


($30, Nooworks, Modishoppe.com)
Fabulous shade.



DRESSES
(Apprx $192 USD, Jasmine Guinness, Oli.co.uk)
So elegant, and I love the button detailing on the back:



(Apprx $127 USD, Toast.co.uk)
Very Laura Ingalls Goes To A Small Liberal Arts College. The yellow sash makes it so much less stodgy.


($25, eBay)
It says lilac, but whatever. This style is super perfect. I always get excited when I find stuff like this in thrift stores, because the cut is always so flattering.



SHOES
($46, Seychelles, Lulusfashionlounge.com)
Yay for $46, boo for only size 7. UPDATE: JK! They're here at Zappos.com for $83, and check 'em out in white! Loves!


($52, Seychelles, Lulusfashionlounge.com)
Best. Would rule with a pink or yellow top and some grey jeans.


(Apprx $188, Chie Mahara, Toast.co.uk)
Amazing. Perfect height and shade. And also lovely in yellow.



($306, Miu Miu, Monamoore.com)
Mainly I think tie-dyed stuff belongs only in the recesses of our collective American memory of 1960s cliches, but these are one outstanding exception. They make me wanna do tons of sit-ups so I can just walk around the house naked, save these.... Okay... so nothing is worth that many sit-ups. But still. The intent is there!

Now go snack on this awesome and relevant old-school video:

Chie Mahara Shoes, Et Al

I am seeing nothin' but Chie Mahara shoes lately. And I'm lovin' about 90% of 'em.
They look so well made, and they're allegedly really comfz.

Here goes:

($154, Chie Mahara, Saks)
One of the best pairs of neutral heels I've seen in a montha Sundays, as "we" say in the "South." I might really truly rethink my no ankle straps personal policy.


($310, Chie Mahara, Sodafine.com)
Love the 1940s-esqueness!


($289, Chie Mahara, Pedshoes.com)
Probably my fave of all. Like walking on sunshine! Weeee!


($162, Chie Mahara, Jildorshoes.com)
Swooooony McSwoooonerson!


($310, Chie Mahara, Pedshoes.com)
Chie Mahara, are you trying to seduce me?


($297, Chie Mahara, SaviniShoes.com)
I'm yours! I love the selection here.


($297, Chie Mahara, Savinishoes.com)
Oh, behave!


($314, Chie Mahara, Haloshoes.com)
Unbelieveabley gorge.


($325, Chie Mahara, 4SpoiledMe.com)
A tiny bit whack, but also fairly rad.


($219, twenty two shoes)
I love twenty two shoes for similar reasons. Hand-made like woah.


($209, twenty two shoes)
The brown is beautiful too.

($66, F-Troupe, OakNYC.com)
Totes sophisticado!


($212, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Jildorshoes.com)
OMG. WANT WANT WANT WANT. And look at the pic of MJ -- nice, normal MJ! Not scary manorexic MJ!


($45, Nicole, OakNYC.com)
Quite cute, and not unreasonably high for a wedge. And probably the most affordable item I've ever seen at Oak.


($99, Tracy Reese, Anthropologie)
You only live once. Why not own a pair of ocelet pumps?... I guess...


($48, Urban Outfitters)
Damn you, UO! Keep reeling me back in!


And now, here it is, folks, your moment of morts:
(Approx $111 USD, Irregular Choice (who else?), Shoe-shop.com)
Um, exactly HOW did this get past the brainstorming phase and into development?