Thursday, August 12, 2010

Sublimated Style-Shit Need To Stop NOW!

There are many things I truly don't understand: The appeal of Jon Gosselin. Fiber optics. How the Bushes spent FIVE total terms in the White House. Grape leaves.

But one thing I TRULY don't understand, and this has been PLAGUING me, are sublimated shirts.
You know what sublimated shirts are. You may not know you know, but you know. They're those fucking TERRIBLE fake tie-dye/tattoo prints with that fake-creased look. Those shirts that have burned indelible track marks across America, multiplying like feral rabbits (where there is one, four more are sure to follow). Sometimes they're Ed Hardy-ish (I blame him for these AND EVERYTHING evil). Sometimes they're peasant-style. But they're ALWAYS horrible. Yes. Those.


Still don't know what I mean?



That one on the bottom right even has a cat hiding beneath its sinister faux folds. I feel bad for that cat.

Why. WHY? Do shoppers, consuming under the umbrella of both a free market and free fucking WILL choose to a.) buy and b.) WEAR these God-awful schmattes. Please? SOMEONE. Tell me.

Okay. If you, in a drunken haze, or on a dare, bought one of these, I want to hear from you. You can email me what I can only imagine will be a tale of embarrassed regret. I will post it anonymously to help me and the countless befuddled others out there who want to know why these exist, who buys them, and when this pox will end.