My Leopard-Print (Literally) Bluefly Closet Confession

So, Bluefly is doing some contest called Closet Confessions, where you upload a photo of the most absurdly asinine thing you own for a chance to win some Bluefly bucks. I'm not usually the type to enter contests since I'm horrible at taking photos and making videos (which is why you'll usually see neither on this site, unless it's a Blackberry photo and I'm feeling saucy). But I knew I was sitting on top of a goldmine (or shit show, depending on your vantage point), because WHO ELSE OUT THERE IS HARBORING A LEOPARD-PRINT POLYESTER JUMPSUIT?


Yes, that actually is a salmon-colored (like, if you laid a piece of lox down on top of it, it'd camouflage so perfectly that you'd only be able to find it again by the smell) polyester jumpsuit -- not a dress, as there are TWO DEFINED LEGS! -- covered in leopards. The leopards, for some reason, have comically long white whiskers. And, it's just the gift that keeps giving, as it's got WOODEN buttons, an intense collar, and a drawstring. You know -- to emphasize your waist. As if anyone's gonna notice your waist. It's so Mrs. Roper, who's always been a style icon to me, and sadly I don't mean that with a hint of irony (nor, clearly, a shred of dignity).

I got this from a since-shuttered vintage store in the East Village, probably in 2002 or so, when I lived downtown. I remember seeing it and basically hearing angels sing. I've only ("only!") worn it once, and that was to a party Cat, our old roommate Holly, and I were throwing. The last time I tried it on it appeared to have, um, ahem, "shrunk," but that doesn't mean it won't be resurrected at some point. I'm not even sure if it fits at this point, but I certainly can't part with it. A closet without a leopard-printed jumpsuit is no closet I'd want to call my own.

+ Here's my entry if you'd like to vote for me. Johnny WEIR is choosing the winner, and I love him like I love cats, and I love cats to an unhealthy degree.

I'm Breaking My No Wedges Rule For These Alexandre Birmans

($795, Alexandre Birman, Neimanmarcus.com)

Usually I live life in the wedge-free zone, not because I'm not into wedges but only because I can't walk in them. However, I'd gladly break my wedge ban for these gorgeous Alexandre Birman (the Brazilian shoe designer who CAN'T NOT make sexy/exotic safari-from-the-comfort-of-an-SUV heels) python wedges. They're so gorgeous --- delicate-looking yet tough -- and so visceral that they almost look alive. Bluefly has a few pairs of Alexandre Birman, but it's Just. Not. The Same.

Fashion Facts I Slept On: Rebecca Minkoff At Bluefly!!!!

Shame shame SHAME on me for not knowing that Bluefly.com has MAD Rebecca Minkoff bags!!!

($170, Rebecca Minkoff, Bluefly.com)

You ought to be adding this black-and-blue Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Bag post HASTE!

($285, Rebecca Minkoff, Bluefly.com)

SAMESIES for this black embossed suede Morning After Bag. So soft I could rest my head upon it and use it as a pillow.

Pointless Desires: Silver Oxfords

Ugh. So, Christian Louboutin or Yohji Yamamoto or someone fancy pants made some fancy shiny silver Oxfords or brouges or whatever. I'm not even coveting those, but I DO want these simpler silver jazz shoes:

($100, Labour Of Love, Farfetch.com)


($132, Candela, Bluefly.com)


($595, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Thoughts on these Christian Louboutin glittery "Fred" jazz shoes? Ridiculous, but with the black-and-white outfit, they're cool in a Michael Jackson way. (Btw, news you can use: Christian Louboutin custommade the shoes the dancers wore in the Michael Jackson tribute at this year's VMAs.)

Big, Chunky Necklaces, Big Bills

Yeah, that header was a stretch. Whatevz. Love these big-ass chunky necklaces. And by the way, I'm STILL on a quest to find that elusive, indescribable neon necklace! HALP PLEEZ!!1

($318, Issy Salomon, Charmandchain.com)

I love the hi/low combo here -- hot pink punked-out Lucite mixed with more upscale-y glass beads and rhinestones. By the way, I have an awesome Issy Salomon necklace that I bought at Edge NY in Soho (go check it out -- it's like the Young Designer's Market) from Issy himself, who's extremely nice. I'm such a Lucite whore.

($200, Nicole Romano, Vivre.com)

This one's got a sweet, sorta post-apocalyptic vibe to it.

($350, Givenchy, Macy's)

Stand-out piece frm Givenchy's Neon Collection, available at select Macy's. A total Deco dream
in crystal and hematite.

Okay, so WHAT would you wear with these statement necklaces? NOTHING! JK, whores. How about either a really simple black dress, OR a grey dress, since it's ALWAYS the new-new black. Like so?

($35, Lulu's)


($158, Karoo, Bluefly)

Sweet color-blocked cashmere!

... And, as promised, "Big Bills." See? Full circle, people. Full circle.

Flosstradamus - New Music - More Music Videos

Bluefly Bridal Binge! Vera Wang, Bagdley Mischka And More! ROP!

I cannot even BELIEVE how many amazors potential wedding dresses Bluefly is STOCKED with right now. And by wedding dresses, I mean either non-traditional wedding dresses to wear AS your wedding dress or TO a wedding. Do BLUEFLY a favor and GET THEM OFF THEIR HANDS, okay? They're practically PAYING YOU to buy these gems! Also, apparently "just today," you can get 15% off dresses (discount taken at checkout), so DO IT!

($448, Badgley Mischka, Bluefly)

I am feeling SO many emotions about this dress, all of them POSITIVE and overwhelming. It's sorta what I was hoping for with my Nicole Miller fail, but this looks even more fantasticosa! I'm not a fan of the wrap, but no big whoop, right?

($402, Badgley Mischka, Bluefly)

Puh-retty!

($331, Badgley Mischka, Bluefly)

I'm not usually a fan of pleats like these, but I like the structured bib. Cool for alt-bridesmaids dresses!

($501, Amsale, Bluefly)

I mean, look me in the EYE and TELL me that Amsale's "Duet" gown isn't to DIE! It's simple but commanding and not overwhelming tacky. And that sexy back! LOVE! Also, short ladies, you CAN wear full gowns. And I love that this is full but not like the width of a sedan. This width is perfect for a shortie like myself.

($125, Vera Wang, Bluefly)

Definitely not for me, but if you're looking for a more traditional wedding gown, um, HI! This Vera Wang is like four cents, relatively speaking. I could see this being really purdy on a tall, thin type.

($331, Vera Wang, Bluefly)

Much better on shorties or tall types!

($400, Vera Wang, Bluefly)

Love the pretty stone color. Nice for a fall/ early winter wedding.

($324, Vera Wang, Bluefly)

I CANNOT SAY ENOUGH WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT THIS DRESS! IT'S LIKE I MADE IT WITH MY OWN HANDS! SOMEONE BUY IT! PLEASE! LOOK HOW GORGEOUSLY EARLY '60S IT IS!!!!!!!!

($221, BCBG Max Azria, Bluefly)

EEE. Love the black-on-white detailing!

($301, Adam, Bluefly)

Wooden beads aren't so me, but this is still a super gorj beach wedding dress!

($169, BCGB Max Azria, Bluefly)

Not so me, but still really stunning -- especially that open back.

($220, BCBG Max Azria, Bluefly)

One of my favorite -- love the champagne-ness.

Size 2 Non-Traditional Wedding Dress? Done! (Also, Please Don't Starve Yourself Down To A Size 2, Okay?)

($270, Jay Godfrey, Bluefly.com)

Size 2? Sweet! Check this Jay Godfrey white silk dress that could easily double as a pretty little white dress (LWD) for you super teensy non-traditional wedding dress-seeking brides. (Only available in size 2, sadly.) Anyway, it's perfs for a beach wedding. The bow is like "Hi! I'm a bridaly present!" Oh, and speaking of brides and wedding dresses and being a size 2 -- I'm not a size 2! And it's ok! I'm not gonna be a size 2. Ever. Especially not for my wedding. So please, guys, don't hop on the bridal bulimia train or do some crazy juice fasts or whatever to slim down for four seconds only to gain it all back teh second a delicious crab cake touches your desperate lips. Lift some weights or whatever, but don't forget to eat food, okay? Otherwise you could pass out at best, get really fucking sick at worst. You kinda need to keep eating food! Bonus: It's delicious!


Better idea: The Garth Brooks Juice Diet!

Frye On Bluefly!

Two quick Frye picks from Bluefly:

($246, Frye, Bluefly.com)

The "Vicki Campus" boots in grey at $152 less than on the Frye site.

($156, Frye, Bluefly.com)

The "Lisa" bootie -- so cute and significantly less than the ones on Zappos.

($94, Frye, Shopbop.com)

Not on Bluefly, but DEFINITELY on sale. These are the "Fiona" Oxfords I blogged about the other week, but they're even cheaper than the ones on Frye and than the $129 dark brown ones on Urban Outfitters.

I Luurve Chan Luu Earrings!

I saw the most extraordinarily gorgeous pair of Chan Luu earrings at Bendel's (Like how I dropped that on your lap? I was there for a beauty event -- you know, because otherwise I just blow the fuck into Bendel's on the regular... on my way to Payless and Daffy's!), but I can't find them online. Boo. Anyway, check out these picks -- they combine rough-hewn stones and gems that create a just-femmey-enough, exotic beach-girl vibe.

($140, Chan Luu, Bluefly.com)

($155, Chan Luu, TheHipChick.com)


($51, Chan Luu, Shopfrosting.com)


($90, Chan Luu, TheHipChick.com)

Big-Busted Bathing Suit Bonanza!

In real life, I'm pretty much a straightshooter. Online however, since we haven't exactly all met or anything, I tend to air on the more discreet side -- I'm just not the type of blogger who likes to blog about personal stuff like past sexual partners or number of weekly poos I take or that sort of thing. But, I'll be blunt about this because it's no big secret, it's something many of you readers out there can sympathize with, and because it's pretty obvious -- while I'm short (5'2") and small (around size 8), I ain't exactly wee on top. Like I said -- no big secret. They're quite real, and they're quite a hassle, especially when shopping for bras and bathing suits, and coincidentally I shopped for both this weekend. The former yielded more successful results. The latter, however... oy.

I tried on this lovely one-piece (it's gonna be a one-piece summer, my friends) at Bird:

($99, Mocium, Bird)

Surprisingly the butt and tum looked great! The top, however, covered basically not a damn thing. It was like comically pornographic looking. Like Pam Anderson in Baywatch, minus the gravity-defying silicon. Not cute. Seriously, this suit is for AAAAAAAA cups. I seriously felt a bit like this:



... Minus the bulge. Use your imagination. It was ridiculous. So when I got home, I Googled, in a rather rudimentary fashion, "big-busted bathing suits." Again, slightly ridiculous, I know. To my surprise though, I found some really cute stuff for those of us out there who are a weeeee bit bigger than a C and can't exactly pop in and buy suits right off the rack at Target or Old Navy. And, because some of you can, I threw in some "regular lady" suits too, so everyone feels like they win.

($99, Fantasie of England, Biggerbras.com)

I can't really tell if this is granny-ish or not, but I think it could actually be kinda cute. By the way, I'd never heard of Biggerbras.com, but it looks like most of the bathing suits start at D cups. Yay!

($89, Sunflair, Carabella.com)

Classic sweet polka dots. I like the piping at the neckline.

($75, Popina)

Sweet, but if you're gonna do polka dots, I think it's best to keep them black-and-white.

($39, Shape fx, Carabella)

I'm a bigger fan of this turquoise shade than the robin's egg blue above. And while the jeweled strap is a weeee bit cheeze-say, you can't deny the awesome slimming powers of shirring. Plus, this suit's got a built-in shelf bra, which is a must, obviously. I might try this one out. And also, I must say, I'd never heard of Carabella, but I'm definitely glad I discovered in my "big booby bathing suit" search, because their selection, range of sizes, and prices are great.

($39, Shape fx, Carabella)

Love the soft grey and the super femme style here. And, YO! $39!

($63, Rochford, Biggerbras.com)

It's a little '80s but still really cute. The tie = quite waist-enhancing, which is a good thing, especially if you've got lotsa business up top.

($39, Shoshanna, Bluefly)

($29, Shoshanna, Bluefly)

Shoshanna makes some of my favorite bathing suits -- especially bikinis -- for the well-endowed lady, erm, even though this one's only available (or only in stock) in up to a C cup. But check out the cute treasure chest theme on the soft pink background! Cute cute cute!

(Top: $11.95, bottom: $8.95, Carabella.com)

See, regular-chested lady? I care about you too!

Not That I Really Want To Think About Swimwear At This Point, But...

I mean, blah blah blah love your body and get breast exams and shit, but honestly, at this point in the season, I'd probably rather get a couple consecutive Paps than go bathing suit shopping. But that doesn't keep me from Windows shopping (GET IT????). Lame, I know. Onto the suits...

I just found out about swim line Red Carter. I likes what I sees!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

Looks like this one, the "Nouvelle," isn't available until later this month. Worth waiting for, I opine!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

This one -- the "Straight Arrow," is also TK, as we say in "the biz"... the biz of saying things. Can you handle the arrow pointing toward and away from your "choche"? (It rhymes with "encroach," in case you were wondering, and Daddy Likey inspired that one. It kind of almost reminds me of the Most Amazing Bikini Ever Created -- Kara Janx's fear-ocious tigerkini, which is on super-duper sale (in size L) here:

($60, Kara Janx, Azaeleasnyc.com)Good kitty. Down, girl!

($92, Carter Red, Bluefly.com)

Subtle but not boring! By the way, Bluefly just launched a new something-or-other called B*fly -- looks basically just like a site-within-a-site, designed to help you wade through the grammaw stuff and find the cute stuff faster. Okay then.

($115, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

($66, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

Shoshanna deserves mad big-boob props -- she designs for a wonderfully realistic range of weird cup-age, fruit-inspired body shapes and other various real-woman issues of disproportion. While the top of this suit does go all the way up to 36DDD, I really couldn't it being right for a busty broad. Nevertheless, this is an adorable pick (love the sunny mid-century diamonds!), and, as previously stated, Shoshanna is great for stylish, smart, supportive suits in an impressive range of sizes. I have two bikinis by her that I love. Get some.

(Top: $38, Bottom: $38, Billabong, Urban Outfitters)

Cute. A mass-market version of that ubi-quit-ous Elie Saab floral dress?

(Elie Saab, RTW 2008)

(Top: $9.99; Bottom: $9.99, Old Navy)
Easy, cute.

($98, Urban Outfitters)

I like me a nice one-piece. This one's flirty-cute, and it's got a lot of coverage, which isn't necessarily bad; modesty's not just for Mormons, you know! Oh yeah, also: Urban Outfitters promo code: 10% off your online order: PICKAWINNER, expires May 10, 2008.

($88, Coco Reef, Dillards)

Classic and class-y! This chick looks like Eva Longoria and J.Lo at the same time.

($100, DKNY, Dillards)

This one comes with the sash -- but not with the resistance ball. So if you want to wear your bathing suit outside on the way to the gym, you need to get BYORB. Anyway, the understated stripes are gorgeously offset by the fun-in-the-sun orange, (tee! Women's magazine writing!) LAYYYYDEEEEZE! I really do love this though. It's like the embodiment of Roy Lichtenstein's "Girl With Ball."


Night, lovelies! I'm off to catch some zois.